May 14, 2016

A non-existent enemy


Sometimes life seems to scare us, when a possibility of reality knocks on our door that we think we didn’t ask for or is too painful/scary to imagine.

Spending time mentally negotiating with life is entirely pointless, although it seems the logical thing to do. But it is entirely illogical….it is only habitual…

I see my differentiated presence/action, where once, in a time that seems long ago, there was unconscious reaction…

Presented with an upcoming, almost certain probability, I see fear making its presence. A very different “fear” than society’s specifications of it, and all that I have been taught to believe about it, in my younger years.

I observe myself not wanting to tackle this one mentally; this fearless probability, waiting for me in my near future. Every time a thought comes up about it, I “get up and leave”. It’s not cowardice. I know that thinking about it and elaborating on theories won’t “save me from experience”. There is nothing that I can think of now, beforehand, that will give me the knowledge that experience will, once I put my beliefs, my emotions, my thoughts, to practice, as I allow the occurrences to unfold, to touch me.

And when I have lived, felt, sensed, when I have allowed the interaction, I will have seen myself in reality, in each present moment; who I really am beyond the "safety" of analysis and speculation. Being consciously in experience, a present observer, changes all qualities.

Then, my Self will turn my experience, my understanding, my perception into wisdom and take me lovingly to my next step; wiser, more expanded, more connected, based on It’s path/will, which I follow, willingly and boldly.

Wanting to flee from the probability of experience, in an attempt to avoid pain, will cause immensely more pain, although my educated/social mind won’t be too quick to admit that. Wanting to overanalyze beforehand, in an attempt to control the experience will also cause stagnation, something I already know that life/existence rejects and discards.

Fear is just a friendly indicator, to a decision already made, to an experience already created, like the passageway into birth/incarnation, which is the expression of ultimate courage of my Self to contract.

Fear is/has been for a very long time, a devoted ally, showing me that I am moving towards unknown ground, but only for my mind, my body, my focused perception. It deserves respect, my attention, my willingness to focus my mind and my senses in the space/time dream that I have chosen. To exist wholly and courageously, innocently meeting the unknown, to access the new.

A misunderstood tool, a subconsciously categorized sensor, a non-existent enemy…

Xristiana Sophia

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