The price of freedom

The truth is that the system (legal, financial, social...) can suck me, break me, destroy me at any moment it pleases... my ID or whatever it names as "me", that is!

But realizing that it is a system of fear, ignorance, cowardliness and myths, makes it all worthwhile, even if I stand alone.

In the land of the ego, "standing alone" is also interpreted, used and projected for self-importance, identity projection and personal gain. Each conclusion, that self-doubt comes to, makes me smile with understanding. I've been there...

- "What do you do?" ....meaning to state my profession...to be categorized
- The assumption of marriage just because I have a child/children... and judgment according to beliefs
- Paying social insurance and taxes as a must for the allowance to exist in a society...no matter where the money actually goes to
- Having the obligation to "receive education" only through the system's institutions
- Being expected to be polite, understanding and giving with anyone who comes along... feeding superiority
And so much more that make up this identity, this social status that most people feel submitted to serving, while being, in one way or another, it's contributors and defenders.

But standing alone means that there are no securities, no known boundaries or closed circuits within which we feel comfortable in merely reacting, being accepted and legitimate. It means that each decision must be passed through an inner guidance system that is beyond man-made laws and regulations but answers only to our highest truth (not beliefs), the highest form of justice that serves nature, humanity and can stand the test of time and diversity. No matter how many (if any) agree with it, no matter what it will cost, no matter what temporary securities we might lose, in remaining true to it.

For truth, justice, choosing the "right thing to do" is always a matter of spontaneous creative thought and not backed up belief systems. There are no small or insignificant decisions to simply overlook. Everything matters, as life is lived spontaneously, sincerely, to the best of our knowledge, which is continuously expanded, examined and re-synthesized.

People want to know my "philosophy". I have none! I read anything, I study everything, I consider all points of view, I remain unaffected by any, except my own Inner Voice, which clears only after I have been willing to ride the waves that only explorers and "nomads" are willing to. 

I have no idea where I'll be in a year from now...even six months. And yet, people insist on asking me what my child will be doing in fifteen years from now, being unschooled and unindoctrinated. An immense need of control, of knowing the unknown they are too afraid to imagine? A hidden fear of life (or death)? Yet the system (the people serving it) demand answers and decisions, which I am accountable for.

Can one person take on this much responsibility? In a world of chaos, injustice, self-serving abuse of every kind, freeing our mind and liberating ourselves becomes the highest form of bravery, contrary to beliefs and appearances. But the same system (of thought) that enslaves us, wants me to assume that "I am the only one", that "I am just weird", that "I will be prosecuted" and so much more.

Because it's an isolated, dense world...as long as we keep creating it! Fear keeps minds apart, isolated in their own virtual realities, hidden from view because they have roles to defend; their own ego's opinion of themselves. I don't assume to be alone, nor do I assume that I am "something special" for making any of these decisions. Yet, what I have gained is much more than this temporary reality can ever give me back or pay me with.

For years now I can....
- sleep soundly with peace in my mind and my heart
- choose my friends and those who can be a part of my life
- look life "straight in the eyes", without bowing my head in submission
- dream,  envision, connect the pieces of space and time that extend the visible
- research anything without closed belief structures that I would need to defend
- remain open to life, to the unknown
- be fearless, no matter what happens
- create from ideas that initially seem like child's imaginations
- learn continuously, not losing the innocence of the child in me
- be understanding of people but not obliged to submit to their tactics
- be (surprisingly) healthy and vibrant without any involvement in the medical system but listening to my body
- move easily about, leaving whatever I don't need behind me
- meet many interesting people from around the world
- continuously awed with life, nature, people, truth

The system can crush me at any moment...leave me homeless, hungry, convicted....you name it! Lack, in one form or another (money, comfort, insurances etc)  is a part of my daily life. Restrictions apply wherever they can. People turn their backs and an "outcast" I am. Really?

The wealth that I have gained cannot be bought. The experiences that I cherish (all experiences) of my life are non-prizable. The creativity that I have managed to birth, cultivate and use, pushing my boundaries to areas that I thought were not possible are indescribable.

Sometimes I feel that I have lived forever and I become weary in that thought. Other times, I feel I have just been born and am awed at the sheer joy of living. Do I have to choose, categorize, name, try to change or reject? Only if I were still captive of belief systems!

Would I do it all again if I had the chance? You bet! And I think that THIS is the biggest prize/reward of life that anyone could ask for...but has to commit to.

What "I do" after all this, is give to others what I have learned/am still learning. And it comes with a prize... There are no ready, tailor-made answers! Long gone are the years when I was searching for a "method", a "structure" to "market". They all serve the very system we are meant to free ourselves from. And that's why it cannot be "work"! It's life! It's who I am.... and no one must be anything less than who THEY are!

An outcast.... for now! This life is so amazingly rich in knowledge, information, true relationships and connections that are not restricted to identities and roles, that I wouldn't exchange any of it for the prize of submission or fitting in.

So, my dear virtual reality....do dragons really exist? We each decide for ourself.... You can imagine all the fierce creatures that you possibly can, all the intruders, manipulators, dangers and dead ends that are capable of keeping you "safe and sound" in a world of make-believe, illusions and temporary securities.  But still we only really fear our own Self!

Xristiana Sophia

(Please feel free to correct any mistakes that I might have made in spelling and structure of the language....in all my posts. Writing "through the heart" or the "right brain" has these consequences.) :)